What is new and good for you this week? For me it is hearing the birds chirping while the sun cascades down from a beautiful bright sky in 70 degree weather while I write today's Soul Share.
I am a Mama Bear to three pretty great people who are my favorite humans... There was a time in my life when I felt completely and utterly worthless. I had no value to offer this world at all. I have to say that I was suicidal two poignant times over the past 30 years... SCARED? That is an understatement... Then I would look over at my three gifts, three precious cherubs and see their eyes staring back at me knowing that at that point and time in life, although I was completely broken, this broken person was all they had. They deserved more than a broken Mama even though, at the time, I didn't know that I deserved more... As the years passed, it was really really hard to have three different personalities who needed three different things from me at three different times, all the time... It was in these experiences that they became my greatest teachers. They still are and most likely always will be because I always strive to learn and be a better version of myself for them and now, also, for me.
This turning point came when I was at a very low point and someone said to me, "God doesn't create junk." Now this is not about whether you believe in god or not. It was profound, to me, to think that I am not junk... Also, they continued to say,
"If you are so bad, why were you the mom who was chosen to give these three beautiful gifts to, to love and to raise as best you could. Children are not ours," they said. "They are given to us as gifts to provide them what they need to spread their wings and fly." You must be pretty special if you were given such amazing humans to raise because they are very special, aren't they?"
I started to cry and for the first time I felt hope that I just may have value and be worthwhile just being me. The reason, at first, was because they were very correct in that these three people are so magnificent. They are smart and incredibly funny. They are gifted people and blessed with beauty as well. I can't actually believe they came from me... Well, I can now because I have taken the time to heal in many different ways. I still learn and grow every single day and it is because I still want to be the best me that I can be for them and myself. In this transformation that their Mom went through and still is, I know life was not easy for my children. Having me for a Mom must have been incredibly hard! I felt I had to fight in this life to survive and protect my babies and with that came a lot of personality traits that weren't easy to manage. They weren't all bad, some were necessary to live this life, for sure, but others were not and I know that made things more difficult than they needed to be. When we know better, we do better...
They have challenged me in ways that forced me to step up and do better, be better, think better, live better, most importantly... LISTEN. I was not a good listener and I regret that more than words can say, but I am now. I look forward to more opportunities to show them that, although, I have always been here for them and have tried my hardest to let them know they are worth it and can achieve anything they want in this life, my ears are hear now as well...
If you are feeling like you can't make it through another damn day! I have been their... You are trying so hard and it never feels like enough? I am here to tell you that it is enough, YOU are enough, YOU ARE WORTH IT! Whatever place you may be at in life, single with no children, single parents, married and trying to have children, married with children or divorced and sharing children, etc. This life is hard. Take this away with you today, Creation, God, Universe, the Great Spirit, whatever your belief in... There is only one you, you were born enough just as you are right now without doing a darn thing. You have skills that are yours alone. You have a purpose that is unique to you, find what that is and fulfill it because the world needs your gifts.
I want to finish by saying Thank You to my greatest teachers. I wouldn't be here being me without your gifts that you have given to me. An enriched and blessed life!