There is a saying that goes something like this, "You are only as sick as your secrets." I disagree with the way this is worded when really, "We are only as HEALTHY as our secrets..." 

I had an experience recently that I truly appreciated. Having this connection took me back to a place I was at years ago and it was a stark reminder that although I am not freeing up space in my head, heart or soul anymore for my "secrets" or the affects of the experiences that caused me to have these secrets, that doesn't mean others are not. It doesn't mean others are deeply affected everyday by things they are holding onto, experiences that they are keeping a secret for, what could be, many different reasons... So, I am going to start writing about this subject, starting today, to help people know that they aren't alone. That is the entire reason I started this blog, to help make a difference in any way that I can.

When you bring your secret out of the darkness into the light, it takes its power away. When you hold secrets in your body, you will get sick, not only mentally and emotionally, but physically ill. When we have something happen to us, whether it be abuse in some form from sexual abuse as a child or adult to getting hit or beat up from our parents or mate, we feel like we did something wrong. NO, you did not do anything wrong and you do not have to protect the person or persons who did this. You may have tried to tell and your voice wasn't heard so you give up because it makes you feel like no one cares anyway or you may feel you have been bad so you deserve whatever may be happening to you. NO, you did not and do not deserve to be abused! 

Find someone, anyone, you feel you can confide in, and tell them. Get this secret out of you and bring it into the light Doing so will create space for you to heal. You have the right to do so. It is not your job to protect anyone. I am here for you. I can write these words because I experienced this myself. When I told what happened to me, it was to protect another little girl, I was not believed and I was told that I am not allowed to tell my dad!!! My own father... My dad continued to associate with this person, have meals in his home with this person but could not see me because I was no longer in his religion. I mean, REALLY? Can you imagine? Oh, it gets better... This person was my dad's wife's best friend's husband. My dad's wife hated me and still does, all because my dad loved me... So here I am, a little girl who looked up to her dad and loved him like little girls love their daddy's...He marries this truly evil person, who is abusive mentally and emotionally. She told me at least four times if not more, per week, that I was "Good for Nothing." "You are a good for nothing little brat..." I will tell you that I was a good kid. I sought to please everyone around me. I just wanted to be loved... I am the same way today but with healthy boundaries in place. Now to continue, so here is this woman who makes my life a living hell and is extremely jealous of me, she even accused me of wanting to sleep with my father. I was 12 and did not know what that even meant back then. I was raised jehovah's witness and very naive. with that being said, here comes her best friends husband, at the age of 11. I kept it to myself until he tried to have sex with me and because jehovah says that having sex without being married is a sin and you'll die at Armageddon, I freaked out on him and ran out of my own house and screamed! I called my dear friend, at the time, and told her and she told her mother... It never went further after that. When I found out he was having a grand daughter, I went to the elders in the religion and told them. That is when I was told not to ever tell my dad. His wife knew and they continued for years after, as friends. I left the religion, SHOCKING RIGHT? So my dad was not in my life. This was about 29 years ago now. I am grateful, that at a young age, I was able to start learning my rights at a human being and woman. I am grateful that their attempts to control me to keep secrets were futile. I was able to start on the path of healing. It took a long time but it was all worth it. I am opening this part of myself up to let you know that you aren't alone and people do truly understand. I understand. I also want you to tell your secrets... You have already had something taken from you that they had no right to take! 

Secrets come in many forms. They aren't just about things that happened or are happening to you. Secrets are things you are doing that you feel shameful or guilty about in some way. We keep secrets because we are fearful. We are fearful of judgement or of losing something or someone. I implore you to please tell someone! You see, secrets tend to feel really big when we hold them inside. Bigger than they really tend to be. They are holding you hostage. SET YOURSELF FREE! It will be worth it in the end. Will their be consequences? Yes, there always are... But what are the consequences now? Is this a dress rehearsal? The life you are living. No. We are living this life right now without do-overs... We do get second chances within our one life but you are living it now. Be compassionate with yourself, love yourself, tell just one person you can trust to tell your secrets to. By doing so, you will set yourself free! You have got to STOP judging yourself. Please! I know you are worth it. We are all humans having a human experience. Live by your expectation of yourself first. Give yourself permission first. Forgive yourself first. With this comes freedom, inner peace, joy and rewards that you didn't know were possible.

Love,

Teresa

Soul mate, is it fate? Some say NO you aren't for real...
I say YES I know for sure because of the connection I feel.

Some wander lost in their loneliness, for love they constantly strive
I tell them, don't lose faith, be patient... When the time is right, your one will arrive.

When swimming in the black emptiness of pain
The vast darkness feels like forever, your one, impossible to gain

Then the warm rays of sunlight arise, 24 hours, a minute, a second ...wow how fast time flies...

What a difference any amount of time can make. In this moment, a breathe is what you must take

One day the empty loneliness of no love, the only sight foreseen is darkness above. 

To a connection so true and unique, you can't help but drown in the mystique

The one, you wondered if they ever could exist, is the one who never leaves your side, the one you can't resist

So in those moments when you feel so forlorn, remember, it just takes a second for new love to be born

Your soul mate is out there for sure
And yes! Their pure love feels like a cure

What they said was true...
So, remember this, when you are feeling blue

Don't give up on your dreams, they do come true in their own time, so it seems

Teresa Halverson

Wow, It has been an absolute, please wake me up from this nightmare, kinda year! Right? It sure has been scary and filled with uncertainty. What to do during times like these. Since I don't want to numb myself in a bottle of wine, believe me it sounds really good sometimes, I don't do it because for me, I do not feel well after and it changes not a darn thing... The world is still chaotic. What has worked for me is keeping it simple. I mean breaking it down to real bare bones simplification like I put one foot in front of the other when getting outta bed to go pee kinda simple, YAY ME! Now I must celebrate because I just accomplished some big shit there! Excuse the pun... No, but in all reality, do keep it so simple that when you do the things that have become so repetitive, you feel like a robot on auto-pilot, that you stop and be present in the moment with yourself and celebrate! Do a happy dance! Ya fed your Littles breakfast, HAPPY DANCE! You got outta bed, HAPPY DANCE! You answered the phone or you chose not to answer so you could put yourself first and decompress, HAPPY DANCE! When we feel down, blue or have anxiety and are fearful, we tend to label these feelings as negative or bad. I learned that the feelings we feel come after the thoughts we think. What we think about creates a release of hormones in our brain and we feel what we feel. The next time you are feeling a way that you do not care for, take a few moments to get quiet and breathe. What are your thoughts in that moment? Try to tell yourself that in this moment, everything is okay. You have what you need in this very moment and that is all that really matters because the present moment is all you really have. The past is gone and the future hasn't happened yet so how do you know what it holds? I read a book called, The Untethered Soul. This book saved me from monkey mind, anxiety and depression. It taught me how to be PRESENT IN THE MOMENT. There is a quote by Lao Tzu that stays with me daily and helps to guide me when I am feeling down or anxious.

This quote is, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

So during these uncertain times, just allow yourself to be. When you are feeling the feelings Lao Tzu speaks of, please get quiet and bring yourself back to the present moment, look around you and just be. The Untethered Soul taught me how to keep my peace on a much deeper level and it sure has come in handy these days for sure. Please know that I am not trying to minimize the affects that anxiety has on people or the affects of depression. I had terrible anxiety for many years and battled depression. What I have written are a couple of the things I did that worked for me. I thought maybe they might help someone else, especially during these times. Oh! Crying is good! Let em flow baby! 

All the best to you,

Teresa

What is new and good for you this week? For me it is hearing the birds chirping while the sun cascades down from a beautiful bright sky in 70 degree weather while I write today's Soul Share. 

I am a Mama Bear to three pretty great people who are my favorite humans... There was a time in my life when I felt completely and utterly worthless. I had no value to offer this world at all. I have to say that I was suicidal two poignant times over the past 30 years... SCARED? That is an understatement... Then I would look over at my three gifts, three precious cherubs and see their eyes staring back at me knowing that at that point and time in life, although I was completely broken, this broken person was all they had. They deserved more than a broken Mama even though, at the time, I didn't know that I deserved more... As the years passed, it was really really hard to have three different personalities who needed three different things from me at three different times, all the time... It was in these experiences that they became my greatest teachers. They still are and most likely always will be because I always strive to learn and be a better version of myself for them and now, also, for me. 

This turning point came when I was at a very low point and someone said to me, "God doesn't create junk." Now this is not about whether you believe in god or not. It was profound, to me, to think that I am not junk... Also, they continued to say,

"If you are so bad, why were you the mom who was chosen to give these three beautiful gifts to, to love and to raise as best you could. Children are not ours," they said. "They are given to us as gifts to provide them what they need to spread their wings and fly." You must be pretty special if you were given such amazing humans to raise because they are very special, aren't they?" 

I started to cry and for the first time I felt hope that I just may have value and be worthwhile just being me. The reason, at first, was because they were very correct in that these three people are so magnificent. They are smart and incredibly funny. They are gifted people and blessed with beauty as well. I can't actually believe they came from me... Well, I can now because I have taken the time to heal in many different ways. I still learn and grow every single day and it is because I still want to be the best me that I can be for them and myself. In this transformation that their Mom went through and still is, I know life was not easy for my children.  Having me for a Mom must have been incredibly hard! I felt I had to fight in this life to survive and protect my babies and with that came a lot of personality traits that weren't easy to manage. They weren't all bad, some were necessary to live this life, for sure, but others were not and I know that made things more difficult than they needed to be. When we know better, we do better...

They have challenged me in ways that forced me to step up and do better, be better, think better, live better, most importantly... LISTEN. I was not a good listener and I regret that more than words can say, but I am now. I look forward to more opportunities to show them that, although, I have always been here for them and have tried my hardest to let them know they are worth it and can achieve anything they want in this life, my ears are hear now as well... 

If you are feeling like you can't make it through another damn day! I have been their... You are trying so hard and it never feels like enough? I am here to tell you that it is enough, YOU are enough, YOU ARE WORTH IT! Whatever place you may be at in life, single with no children, single parents, married and trying to have children, married with children or divorced and sharing children, etc. This life is hard. Take this away with you today, Creation, God, Universe, the Great Spirit, whatever your belief in... There is only one you, you were born enough just as you are right now without doing a darn thing. You have skills that are yours alone. You have a purpose that is unique to you, find what that is and fulfill it because the world needs your gifts.

I want to finish by saying Thank You to my greatest teachers. I wouldn't be here being me without your gifts that you have given to me. An enriched and blessed life!

Climb on through! When a window opens , it is usually because you’ve been given the gift of a door closing... It sure as heck doesn’t feel like a gift when it happens but trust me, it is... The universe has our back. We are being guided to what, when, where and how so we can experience our best life! You’ve just got to listen even if it is not what you want. We have all experienced one or more let downs, like the end of a relationship, losing a job or not losing anything at all... more like gaining an opportunity! When these things happen, it is because there is something better out there for us. Sometimes we aren’t shown the reason right away. Have faith and believe because that gift always appears and comes to fruition. So when that guy doesn’t call you back. When you don’t get that job you want so bad or get fired. When you get dumped. When anything you really want SOOO badly does not come through for you and you feel like you have been punched in the gut! Just know that there is nothing wrong with you. Don’t let those monkeys in your mind jump from tree to tree asking all those darn questions like, “what did I do wrong?” Nothing! “Why doesn’t he like me?” Because if you’re with him you’ll miss out on THEE ONE! Don’t give your power and self worth away by letting other people’s opinion make or break your day. So when things don’t work out, you may not be getting what you want, but the universe will always make sure you get what you need! That is how I met my Soulmate after being broken hearted and so alone. Thank goodness I climbed through that open window and saw an opportunity versus beating myself up and thinking that I have something wrong with me. I got wrongfully fired today. Seriously laughing! I am now inquisitively awaiting for what the universe has planned because I know it is gonna be good just like I am good and you are good... Life is a roller coaster ride with ups and downs, turns and twists. Pick a good seat, throw your hands up in the air and enjoy the ride! I would love to hear how you make it through disappointments. Please contact me or leave a comment. I look forward to hearing from you. 

Howdy Y'all!

I was talking to a new friend this morning about a past experience I once had and it brought up the subject of getting to know ourselves.

I shared with her that when my last child moved out I was sitting in my house staring. In a quiet voice, out loud, I murmured... "Now what do I do?" I honestly didn't know. I then came to the realization that I had no clue who I was! Who is Teresa? What do I like to do? What are my interests, if I even have any interests at all? Do I? At this point, I started an amazing adventurous journey to my soul! A transformation that introduced myself, well, to me. Hi Teresa, how are you? Some days pretty good and others, back then, not so much...

I now ask you, do you feel this way? Are you busy in your life as a mom or dad, or in your career, in college or, as I like to say, doin' the do, that you just don't have the time? Or did you know yourself but have gotten lost somewhere along the way?

You are not alone!

My friend brought something to my attention that I hadn't specifically thought about. She said that there are a lot of people who are just starting to figure out who they are in their 50's and 60's. That getting to know our self is constant and is something that continues without end. I agree with that perspective myself. I see in society quite often people are just now finding their voice and navigating the "People Pleaser Complex". You have a right to your voice, to know your voice matters and to use it. You have the right to say NO too. AND to say NO without feeling badly about it! It is important to take care of yourself and practice self-love. Kind of like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first so you are able to , not passed out, help your loved ones, your littles. This is a really good analogy to practice in our daily life.

Although my journey started in my late 30's, I feel it is an ongoing opportunity to learn everyday. Our transformation is ongoing and don't we want it to be? If we stop, then we aren't growing, we become stagnant and that is never good. Please ask yourself who am I? What do I like to do as an individual? Have fun with it and enjoy the adventurous ride we call life! Have a wonderful day and if you would like a Soul Share please let me know.

Sincerely,

Teresa

Hi Y’all, 

When I was in college, just a short time ago... 25 years... I wrote an essay about a contraption I like to call, Joy Killer. It is the dreaded scale. I was asked to give a speech to my class. So picture this, an insecure mother of three going through a divorce in a state where I didn’t know anyone in the middle of the worst winter on record to date at that time. I was scared and trying to survive. Here I am thinking, oh s$@t... my professor wants Meeee to get up in front of the entire class and speak about the essay I wrote which was, yes, about self worth and throwing away that evil monster, Joy Killer, that lays in the corner on the bathroom floor of most homes. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? So that’s exactly what I did. I gave a speech entitled, “Throw Away Your Scale”. I stood up in front of everyone seeing all their eyes staring back at me with my knees knocking. I just knew they could see me quivering and they could hear the sound of my knocking knees so loudly they probably couldn’t hear what I was even saying. That kinda brought a little comfort in a weird way. They couldn’t hear me. That might be good, right? All I needed was my professor to hear me so hopefully I would get the ever coveted “A”. I was a perfectionist 25 years ago. I am now, well, not. As I spoke, I asked the class, how do you feel when you wake up in the morning? I will tell you that when I wake up and I am feeling pretty darn good, when I step on the Joy Killer, I usually do not feel so good after that. I came to the realization that I am letting a number ruin my day, a measly number. That is all it is after all, a number. So I threw away my scale! I learned to ask myself, how do I feel today deep in my soul, not in my clothes, but within myself. My response now is flippin’ fantastic! Isn’t that what is important? Isn’t that all that we want is to be happy and feel joy? Ladies, gents I implore you to join me! PLEASE, THROW AWAY YOUR SCALE! Ask yourself how you feel? If you’re not feelin’ so good let’s find out why but don’t let it be because of a number... Let’s start a revolution to take our power back! When I saw Valerie Bertinelli on the Today Show this past week, I cried. She was talking about finding her bliss and describing how she feels when she steps on a scale. It was heart breaking to hear. That is why I am writing this today. She reminded me of the speech I gave 25 years ago. Then I thought, wow, I was ahead of my time. I don’t know if anything I said helped anyone that day, I sure do hope so. I do know that I want to help now. Let’s join together in solidarity and #throwawaymyscale.